High Scoring (like Wilt Chamberlain), Invisible Rubbers, and the Bendush Family

The game of the week between SLF, TLC and The Pee Wees lived up to all the hype. It was full of hits, errors, Indian Rubbers, runs, and the occasional curse word. Most analyst predicted The Pee Wees to put up a good fight despite their dismal record, and they did not disappoint. However, the retarded good kicking line up of SLF, TLC was just too much for them in the end. Not even hall of famer Jeremiah “14 toes” Whitingham (Kansas City Ballers Kickball Club 1937) could have saved the Pee Wees from the devastating Offense of SLC, TLC.

The first inning of this high-octane game saw SLF, TLC performing at the highest level of play ever seen in a kickball game….EVER. They were able to blank out the Pee Wees kickers in the top of the first. The bottom of the first saw a total of 9 SLF players up to bat. It all started with Jason, Allison, Nick, Erin, and Bernie reaching base. Those first 5 also counted for 3 RBI’s, and 3 runs. After that, we saw another three batters reach base, Polly got another RBI bringing the score to 4 – 0 at the end of the first.

After what looked to be an insurmountable lead, The Pee Wees were able to capitalize on a two run blast to left field. Unfazed by the thought of a comeback, SLF tighten the defense and allowed no more runs in the top of the 2nd. SLF’s batting order brought the pain again with its own two run blast to right field. Jason crushed the ball sending it about 690 ft deep. It was hit so hard that Jason was able to stop and interview with 1st base correspondent Ezekiel Jenkins….here is the transcript of that conversation:

EJ: So, how does it feel to have crushed the ball so far?
JP: Well, I am here to support my team. I know my role as the ball crusher, and take it seriously. Too bad that pitcher didn’t know what was going on bringing that weak shit.
EJ: Are the rumors true that you have tested positive for Muscle Milk, and Jager Bombs before every single game this year?
JP: Forget those damn tests….Oh, I have to run now.

After the interview Jason was able to make it all the way home. Bringing the score to
6 – 2 at the bottom of the second.

Just when we all thought it couldn’t get any more exciting the Pee Wees were able to pull a three run blast to right field out of there collective asses. On a hit that took a dramatic course in the air (attributed to a freak drop in the barometric pressure at that exact instant), we saw the game get within 1 point.

The game slowed down after three seeing two straight innings of three up, three down for both teams. That is, until SLF came out “swinging” in the bottom of the fifth. This was another inning in which we saw 6 people reach base. The play of the Pee Wees became so bad that the umpire began making up calls. Heather was making a dash for 1st base on a dink towards third, when the pitcher attempted an Indian Rubber, AND MISSED. The Umpire however claimed “to hear the ball hit her”, and ended up calling her out. It is the first ‘Invisible Rubber” in MB league history. Heather was able to drive in a run, making the score 7 – 5.

The game ended in an 8 – 5 win for SLF, TLC. After the nights game, league owners, and commissions voted overwhelmingly to enforce instant replays in cases of voodoo Indian Rubbers. Starting in 2010, a red flag (much like in the NFL) will be thrown by coaches if they want to dispute a call.

All in all, the game was a massacre. The hitting clinic that SLF, TLC was something that hasn’t been seen since Ike, and Tina.

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ABOUT RACE?

Since when did kickball become so racially charged........Cant we all just play together?

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/14/67-co-ed-sports/

CURRENT KICKBALL STANDINGS

Fresh from the AP, Coaches, and Fans Polls....The Wednesday Night Kickball League Standings

1. DARLENE'S REVENGE: 4 WINS, 0 LOSSES, 0 TIES

2. SLF, TLC: 3 WINS, 1 LOSS, 0 TIES
(Yup, you read that right....Looks like we got a win instead of a tie...holla)

3. PEE WEE'S: 1 WIN, 3 LOSSES, 0 TIES

4. EVOLUTION OF STYLE: 0 WINS, 4 LOSSES, 0 TIES
(Ha, they dont even get credit for the tie)

This looks like a tight race for the number 1 and 2 spots. Keep up the good work.

Can you say INDIAN RUBBER?

Last nights game, under the bright lights of Live Oak Field, saw genius in the form of a kickball team. It had the same excitement that Einstein must have had when he came up with his theory of relativity, when Gary Dahl invented the pet rock, or Burt Reynolds moustache in Smokey and The Bandit.

It all started off with Evolution of Style getting a couple of good hits. Then later in the top of the first they scored a run. This was a not a great start for SLF, TLC. With two outs in the first, one of the speedier girls on EoS rounded third, running to home like a cheetah chasing a young gazelle. Polly threw a laser to Allison, who threw it to Scot, who in the heat of the moment went for what has eluded SLF, TLC all season…..the elusive INDIAN RUBBER…..nope, didn’t get it. EoS goes ahead by two. SLF, TLC was able to escape the first inning with no more damage done. It looked like a bad start to the night.

The bottom of the first saw SLC, TLF’s determination and grit. Jason reached base to start the inning off with a bang. Allison “MVP” came up, and kicked a high fly to second base. The second basewoman for EoS looked to be clearly outmatched by the fly ball, so Jason ran on to second base, but in a moment of pure luck she was able to wrangle the ball to her chest (Arabian Chest Goggle) and come up with the double play. Nick came up next, and got on base. Erin came up with a hit that advanced Nick towards third, and saw the rarely seen slide maneuver implemented. The umpire pulled out his rule book and made sure that he implemented Rule 8 -- *Sliding Rule: No sliding and/or contact with fielder. Penalty – Runner is declared out. For the purpose of safety, base runners are allowed to over run all bases without a penalty (example: running through 1st base). However, if the base runner makes a turn advancing toward the next base, he or she may be tagged out. This ended the first inning, leaving SLF, TLC behind by two with a long way to catch up.

THEN IT HAPPENED. Boom……..Allison “Indian Rubber” Bendush comes up with the first ever SLF, TLC Indian Rubber out. It could arguably be considered the turning point of the game. This ever elusive feat has eluded the team for the entire season. It was a ground ball about 20 feet away from first base, right past the pitcher. Allison leaps over fields the ball….Bernie has shifted over to first to get the force out (THROOOOW MEEEEE THEEEE BALLLL….in slow motion nonetheless), but anybody watching this game could tell it was not going to happen. The determination in Allison’s eyes was unmistakable…..I am going to hit this bitch……BOOOOM…YOU ARE OUT.

The rest of the game went like this…..EoS didn’t do crap. SLF, TLC lit up the ever revolving group of pitchers EoS had lined up. SLF, TLC scored 1 in the 2nd inning, 1 in the 3rd inning, and 2 in the 6th.

PURE GENIUS I tell you. PURE GENIUS